BIRTH DEBRIEFING
Many women have particular ideas about how they want to give birth.  During pregnancy they read, attend prenatal classes, talk with their midwife/doctor, and many others, who give information, advice, and strategies.  It is very easy for a pregnant woman to become confused.
For whatever reason, when a labour and birth do not go as expected, the disappointments, guilt and disconnect from their baby are just some of the profound issues that women experience.  These do not go away.  They may fade as the years go on and the child grows and develops, but there are many times throughout life that can trigger these memories for a woman.
GOOD NEWS
You do not and should not live with these feelings.  However minor, or silly or embarrassing, or threatening the emotions are, it is very important to deal with them.  Some women report just feeling empty, others can clearly identify what they feel.
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
Most women give up trying to talk to family, friends, doctors, and others about these feelings.  The responses they get often exacerbate the emotions.  It can even be difficult to discuss with your partner as men are also traumatised, but in a different way than the woman.
Many hospitals offer a birth debrief, particularly for a very traumatic birth experience.  Whilst these can be useful, a hospital is always going to be on the defence, and may, at best, simply explain the medical complications – in a very medical way.  That’s what they are good at.
The most useful place to debrief is with a trained professional who is independent from the hospital where the birth was.
At Birth Right I offer hypnotherapy sessions.  Understanding medical records is a useful start, but delving into the subconscious mind and releasing all the negative thoughts and emotions is cleansing, enlightening and allows women to move on and have a deep understanding and acceptance of what happened for them and their baby.
“I did not think that anything could change the feelings I had carried for 3 years.  I wanted to have another baby but every time I thought about getting pregnant, I would panic with flashbacks.  I had 2 amazing sessions at Birth Right and feel a load has lifted.  I’m now looking forward to getting pregnant and making different choices for me and my baby.  I can’t thank you enough”  Eleanor
Hypnosis is relaxing, enjoyable, profound and deeply healing.
It is simple.  Bypassing the critical mind and tapping into the subconscious where all those emotions and memories are stored.
Don’t sit with these negative emotions because they can impact on your baby and your relationship.  I recommend one to two sessions.  These sessions are private, confidential and independent.

Apple and Facebook are reportedly offering to pay up to $20,000 for female employees to freeze their reproductive eggs, in a bid to hold on to their best workers.

“This latest offering from Apple and Facebook is a devil’s deal in the guise of a gender equity perk,” offered the New York Post. “Dear Facebook, please don’t tell women to lean in to egg-freezing,” said the Huffington Post. “Don’t be fooled by Apple and Facebook. Egg-freezing isn’t cool,” the Daily Beast cautioned.
The Financial Times  asked “Will an Apple-frozen egg still be compatible with its mother after a couple of years of new product releases?” and the Huffington Post warned, about “paying women not to have a family”.

“We continue to expand our benefits for women, with a new extended maternity leave policy, along with cryopreservation and egg storage as part of our extensive support for infertility treatments,” Apple said in a statement.

Facebook said it offers four months of paid leave for both new mothers and fathers.

“We want to empower women at Apple to do the best work of their lives as they care for loved ones and raise their families,” the tech giant said.

What is this obsession with wanting to control absolutely every aspect of life, and especially the creation of a new life?

What is wrong with a woman conceiving naturally, because she and her partner want a baby at the right time for them and combine it with a career?
It is possible to combine career and parenthood.  There is so much discussion around how difficult this is today, even though there are many women in the past who have done this and just got on with it!  They were so busy there was no opportunity to spend time discussing the issue!  Of course their life was very full to overflowing sometimes, and there was inevitable tiredness, but is that not a normal expectation of parenting anyway? – and add to that an outside workload, and it is understandable that some aspects of life need to be re-arranged, put on hold, or just removed – maybe temporarily.

Work-life balance is another frequently referred to ‘issue’, mainly it seems for women.  It doesn’t matter at what age a woman has a baby, she and her partner will need to make adjustments in their work and life and be flexible enough to change and adjust their work-life balance as their baby grows and develops, which may or may not include working arrangements.

So if Apple and Facebook are so committed to empowering women, then maybe they could consider other ways:  e.g. offering more flexible working conditions, in-house childcare, appropriate support for breastfeeding mother’s, setting up home offices and embrace the fact that they have parents on staff, whose primary role in life is growing and educating the next generation whilst also focussing on their career.  It is not about controlling a woman’s biological clock.  That same woman will have the same challenges whenever she has a baby.

Freezing Eggs does come with risks.

The usual risks of using fertility drugs apply to the fertility treatment involved. Egg freezing is still a relatively new technique and not all eggs will survive the freezing and thawing process or become fertilised.
It is important to consider the risks of the egg freezing procedure and the likelihood of eggs surviving the process when making this decision to store eggs for future use. Every clinic should give information on the risks involved.
The creation of a new little being is a big decision for most.  Frozen eggs is a wonderful option for maybe a young woman with cancer, undergoing chemotherapy or other rare conditions.
So to Apple and Facebook I say, nobody is indispensable.  If one of your key employees takes maternity leave, there will be someone, equally skilled, to take her role, temporarily.  It is not the end of the world and your business will not fall over or result in bankruptcy.  Trust that this may even be beneficial for your business and please stay away from interfering with nature and stick to what you do best!

DEVALUING CHILDBIRTH

Effects on a woman’s confidence and self-esteem
Childbirth is the most important role a woman plays in our community.  Pregnancy is a powerful force and should be respected.  The message of our community is often that the experience of birthing is not that important.  ‘You have a healthy baby’ – so you have no rights to have feelings or complaints about the birth experience.  Many women have come to see me because they could not find anyone to talk to about their birth experience.  Some express guilt at daring to voice these strong, powerful negative and damaging emotions surrounding their childbirth experience.  The often unspoken implication is that they don’t care about the baby, only themselves, and it is a way of saying that giving birth should not matter to a woman.  These needs must be acknowledged and support provided, otherwise this can affect her sense of self-esteem and bonding with her baby.  This significant life event should never be devalued and a woman’s sense of worth undermined.

Competitive birthing stories

?As a community we encourage competition from a very early age.  Just look at a new mother’s group, which often begins with each woman’s birth story.  Women are exploited to compete with one another, arguing whether the experience of birth was beautiful, ‘natural’, fraught with interventions, longest labour ever!  This is, by its very nature, competitive – and comes with self-imposed ratings to justify what went wrong.
Childbirth is an intense and powerful experience that will change a woman’s identity.  It is always a woman’s experience.  This is not to devalue the man’s experience, but men do not have the transformation of physicality, emotional and spiritual.  Birth is feminine.  Thinking about labour and birthing evokes a tremendous amount of anxiety, fear, excitement and anticipation.  A woman’s sense of personal identity is changing.  A woman needs the opportunity to explore the relationship to her changing body, mind and identity, if she is going to be ready for birthing.

Prenatal care

?There are a number of options for prenatal care for women.  WHO (world health organisation) recommends a continuous model of care.  Midwifery group practices, have been set up in some public hospitals to offer continuous midwifery care throughout pregnancy, labour and birthing.  These models of care are, of course, difficult to implement, due to various shift work policies, sick leave, annual leave etc. and I have witnessed many births where a woman has developed a relationship with 1 or 2 particular caregivers, only to find, on the birthing day, she meets a new midwife, who is in a relieving position.  These caregivers are obliged to follow the hospital’s set of guidelines, policies, rules and regulations, ticking all the boxes about necessary ‘care’ for a pregnant woman.
We do not treat the prenatal period as one of family making, which it is.  A woman’s positive feelings about her femininity come from a sense of support, acceptance and encouragement to express herself as a whole person, in any way that contributes to her sense of well-being.  The determining factor in a woman’s self-esteem is that she has the opportunity to address her own emotional changes about becoming a mother and the experience of her body in pregnancy, labour, birthing and post-natally.
When women address the emotional aspects of their transition to motherhood, their potential for complications of labour is decreased.  Anxiety and fears have been decreased.
There are many factors which influence a woman leading up to birthing including:
• Her mothers and grandmothers experiences and stories of birth
• Her experience of how she came into the world
• Her relationship to her own mother and father
• Her expectations about motherhood
• Over dramatized media stories
• Incorrect information in books, television programs etc.

Holistic Care

?How women choose to give birth will be influenced by availability of choice.  When emotional factors are included as a part of routine prenatal care, research has shown a decrease in complications of labour and increases in women’s self-esteem.
Shopping around for a caregiver and place to birth is essential, and a comprehensive guide in ‘how to’ can be found in my ‘Birth Right’ (Random House) book.
A doula is essential to the woman and her partner.  A doula has the time, to listen, guide, explain choices, and explore innermost thoughts.  Doulas provide invaluable information and preparation for birthing, supporting both the birthing woman and her partner.  Protecting, nurturing and advocating so the woman can enter her zone, and feel safe to do, whatever she needs to, to birth her baby.  More information can be found in my book ‘Doulas-why every pregnant woman deserves one’.

Prenatal Education

There are many, many pregnancy classes for women to choose.  It can be confusing and overwhelming, making it difficult to choose.  As a general guide, hospital based classes will focus on how to follow hospital policies and procedures and the general theme is about pain management.
Independent classes:  there are many offering different ‘methods’, so how to choose?
• Ask the qualifications of the person running the course
• What can you expect in the course?
• What experience has the childbirth educator got in pregnancy and birthing?
• What is the focus?
Our Inside Birth® pregnancy classes, focus on how amazing, wonderful and joyous the birthing experience can be.  Teaching these deep hypnosis techniques is very rewarding as everyone leaves the course feeling confident, empowered and looking forward to welcoming their baby into the world, as it should be.
Providing this level of education and ongoing support is essential so that women and families are supported in the birthing experience, and go forward to their birthing with supreme confidence, particularly when the results contribute to a decrease in complications and an increase in self-esteem.
It is a privilege to be part of this amazing miracle.  Our pregnant women need to be respected by all of society.  They are growing our next generation and we want to value them and their unborn baby.

POLITICS AND BIRTHING

Wouldn’t it be great if there was no politics in the birthing world?  It is probably unlikely to happen anytime soon, BUT I really want people to think before they speak to a pregnant woman!

BORDERING ON ABUSE

?The stories and judgements that many pregnant women are exposed to, can be quite damaging, to her and her unborn baby – yes, they are cognitive and aware little people growing inside.  These horror stories are not exclusive to the general public, they come from doctors, especially G.P.’s, midwives, obstetricians, childbirth educators, ultrasonographers, anaesthetists, and even yoga teachers.

A woman is at the peak of vulnerability throughout her pregnancy.   A passing comment from a ‘well-meaning’ friend or work colleague, which may normally be dismissed when not pregnant, suddenly becomes all consuming, provoking anxiety and causing her to question her choices.  Some comments include:
• Newly pregnant woman enquiring about how to book into a birth centre – “you definitely do not want to go to one of those places.  My friend’s baby nearly died in a birth centre and I had my babies in a proper delivery suite, with an epidural, which is the best way to go, so here are 2 names of obstetricians that I recommend” – (this from a G.P.)
• Pregnant woman at first appointment with an obstetrician, she asked – “what is the difference between the private hospital and the public hospital? (they are in same complex) – answer:  private hospital is 5 star and public hospital with a midwife is about 2 star, if you’re lucky!”
• Couple at a hospital prenatal class – first night and opening statement from midwife/educator – “7 out of 10 couples in this room will end up with a caesarean section so you better all pay attention when I show you that video”!
• Random person crosses the street to ‘advise’ pregnant woman to just book a caesarean as she had 7 days of labour and then ended up with a caesarean.  “Just do it” she said.
• Check-out person in major supermarket tells pregnant woman, (loudly and in front of a long queue) “you just do not know what you are in for – it’s the worst pain ever!”
• Random person asks pregnant woman where she is birthing?   Pregnant woman proudly states “I’m having a home birth”, response:  “how could you put your baby at risk like that, don’t you know how painful and dangerous birth is?”
• Friend asks where are you going to have baby?, answer “I want a waterbirth so I’m booked into a birth centre”.  Friend laughs, in a mocking way, and says “yeah, right”
I could fill another book with these stories.  I am often in the position of debriefing women, and giving them their confidence back.  None of the above comments are based on knowledge, research, or respect.  All birthing women need to own their experience, without criticism or judgement.  As for the medical staff?  They should know better but they don’t.

FOR THE RECORD!

Pregnancy and birthing is what women are designed to do.  The birthing business is full of fears and therefore has become so overmedicalised, it seems almost impossible to normalise birth.  A change of attitude is desperately needed.  As a community, pregnant women should be placed on a pedestal, to be honoured, congratulated and respected.  They are V.I.P’s , who are growing our next generation.
SOME USEFUL AND RESPECTFUL COMMENTS
• Congratulations.  Looks like you are doing a wonderful job at growing your baby.
• I hope you are enjoying your pregnancy and getting to know your baby.
• It’s wonderful growing a baby and even more beautiful giving birth.
• Your birthing day is very special, because you get to meet your baby, face to face and that is truly amazing.
• Having a baby at home?  Having a baby in a birth centre? – well done on making that choice, you should feel very proud.
So please, think before you speak to a pregnant woman.  Is the advice you are about to give based on your own personal experience? Or your cousins? Or what you have ‘heard’?
Do not be opinionated.  Most pregnant women do a lot of research before making the best decision for them and their baby.  So congratulate her, honour her, and most importantly respect her choices.

SURROGACY – What about the baby?
Surrogacy has been a well-kept secret until the recent baby Gammy saga. It is good that it is now being discussed, publicly.
There are many reasons why women want to have a baby. A woman may not be interested in her 20’s or 30’s, but when that biological clock ticks louder and louder, and the stark reality of ‘it’s now or never’ hits, a number of women suddenly decide they would like to have a baby. Then there are the women who are in a committed relationship and have pressure from their partner to have children. And there are women who, from a very young age, are just desperate to know what it feels like to be pregnant and give birth and become a mother. For this group of women, it is an overwhelming biological urge, that is difficult to put into words. Others have a baby because it is ‘expected’ in their family, and they don’t give it much thought. Surprisingly most pregnancies are not planned.
The article in SMH Good Weekend “Another woman’s child” discusses surrogacy and points out that commercial surrogacy in Australia is illegal and “the birth mother is considered the legal mother in Australia, regardless of the baby’s genetics”. The article describes interviews with 3 women who were ‘altruistic’ surrogates. The definition of altruism is “an unselfish regard for or devotion to the welfare of others”. There is no doubt this is an unselfish act.
BUT…..what about the baby? In no writing or discussion on this subject has there been any concern for the welfare of the baby. Well, I am concerned. Surrogates describe a disconnect with the growing baby, continually needing to remind themselves it is not their baby. In the SMH article one surrogate states: “during the pregnancy, my job was to look after my body so I could gestate the baby, and that was a factor in my emotional detachment.” Another describes how she acknowledges the pregnancy with a pat, and just gets on with her business. This is obviously necessary for the surrogate. So much energy going into detachment from the growing baby but is this potentially damaging for the growing baby?
Parenting begins at conception. In Dr. David Chamberlain’s wonderful book “windows to the womb” – ‘revealing the conscious baby from conception to birth’, he states “it is common for prenates at very early moments in the womb to sense whether they are wanted or unwanted, or by which parent” and “babies can discern a mother’s character and motives, or sense her mental and emotional state”. There have been many studies done on prenatal memory. John T Ham, Jr., in his doctoral work in clinical psychology on prenatal memory, discovered that “womb babies repeatedly demonstrated both self-awareness and awareness of the feelings and behaviours of their mothers. The accuracy of the baby’s perceptions included a gamut of feelings: anger, fear, sadness, helplessness, loneliness, being loved or unloved and being awed or overwhelmed”.
Pregnancy, birth, and the early bonding period set in motion the foundation of life patterns for baby, mother, the mother-child relationship and fathers too. Too often these experiences are not ideal, which can lead to a cascade of diminished opportunities for the baby and child.
Dr. Bruce Lipton, cellular biologist and author of many books on this subject, including “The Biology of Belief” says
“We used to think that only nutrition was provided by the mother to a developing child. The story was, genes control the development, and the mother just provides nutrition. We now know, of course, that there’s more than just nutrition in blood. Blood contains information about emotions and regulatory hormones and the growth factors that control the mother’s life in the world in which she’s living. All this information passes into the placenta along with nutrition. If the mother is happy, the fetus is happy because the same chemistry of emotions that affect the mother’s system are crossing into the fetus. If the mother is scared or stressed, the same stress hormones cross and adjust the fetus. What we’re recognizing is that, through a concept called epigenetics, the environmental information is used to select and modify the genetic program of the fetus so it will conform to the environment in which it’s going to grow, thus enhancing the survival of the child. If parents are totally unaware, this creates a great problem—they don’t know that their attitudes and responses to their experiences are being passed on to their child.”
Dr. Thomas Verny, in his book “The Secret Life of the Unborn Child”, says by the 6th month in utero a baby has gained awareness of himself as a distinct “self” and is able to convert sensations into emotions, and he begins to be shaped increasingly by the purely emotional content of his mother’s messages.
I could go on quoting but I believe, as a society, we need to think very carefully about surrogacy – NOT the parents, but about what is happening for the baby if his ‘surrogate’ has a total disconnect from him. This is a very frightening thought.
Most parents wish, when they make the decision to have a baby, is to create a high quality human being, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Life throws up many disappointments. We learn to change, adapt and find a new direction for most situations. The question is should we accept surrogacy as a legitimate option for those who cannot have a baby OR should we be providing counselling and support for those who cannot, and help them move forward in their lives, without a baby?
Love to hear your thoughts?

“It is common for newborns to wake their parents up at all hours of the night”.
Wow! What an opening line.  Really?   Do you think a newborn has the capacity to deliberately wake his parents every 2-3hrs day and night?
This interview and the ideas in this book are deeply disturbing and irresponsible.
Do you think the baby is badly behaved?
Do you think the baby is punishing his parents by making them sleep deprived?
Do you think this is NOT normal?
Let’s look at some facts:
• At birth a baby experiences a profound disruption in his environment – from a warm, totally secure and safe, nutritionally sound, loving womb to the outside world.  So where does a baby most want to be when he is born?  In the arms of his loving parents.  That meeting on the outside is hugely important and how he comes into contact sets patterns for the rest of his life.
• The size of a newborn’s tummy = the size of a marble (approximately).  By about 8 weeks old, it is the size of a golf ball (approximately).  It is a ‘no-brainer’ that with a tummy the size of a marble, it needs to be filled on a regular basis, 1-3hrs.  (approximately).
• No doubt that breastmilk is best for baby
• A newborn baby sleeps and feeds on a regular/irregular basis for the first few months of his life as he adjusts to his strange new world.
If you do a web search for ‘how to get my baby to sleep through the night’, hundreds of well-meaning articles, books, news items, stories will present themselves.  It is so confusing for new parents.  Who do you trust?  Is this normal?  What should I try and for how long?
I find it very disturbing that there is so much written about this topic.  And yet there is nothing more distressing than sleep deprivation.  So what should new parents do?
MY TOP TIPS
• Understand about normal newborn behaviour
• Understand about normal newborn breastfeeding patterns
• Accept, preferably before you conceive, that having a baby WILL change your life, especially your sleeping habits
• Welcome to parenthood!  It is most definitely the best decision you will ever make.  Yes, having a baby will change your life – FOR THE BETTER!  It changes you as a person.  You discover a very deep and different love, that you were previously unaware existed.  You will become a more giving person.
• BE PREPARED!  For sleepless nights, for overwhelming floods of emotion, for being overjoyed, for feelings of pure pride to overtake you, and for feeling engulfed by the commitment of being a new parent
• TRUST that all this is normal, and most importantly TRUST that you know what is best for you and your baby.  Tips about childhood development can be a helpful guideline, but the rest of it you will know, intuitively.

ENJOY YOUR NEWBORN BABY, and suggest you read James McKenna – a person of authority, who makes a lot of sense.

LABOUR DAY WEEKEND
How long is too long?
THE BEGINNING
Anna began labour at 3a.m. on Fri.  She was excited and relieved.  They had lost a baby last year so thrilled to arrive at the due date and all looking very well.  I arrived around 10a.m. to find Anna not really in established labour, the contractions were not regular but she was needing to focus.  By 3p.m. she wanted to go to the hospital, where she could have baby checked and be reassured.  She refused a vaginal examination.
The next few hours were spent in the bath, where labour seemed to intensify and become a little more regular, the midwife suggested a vaginal examination.  Again she refused.  A few minutes later and 2 doctors arrived, insisting on an examination as she did not look like she was in labour (great news for Anna at this stage – they have such a way with words!)
She was 1 cm. dilated at 9p.m. and they suggested she go home.  They did not feel safe doing this so I reassured them, turned out the lights and suggested they both get a good night’s sleep as by now the contractions were very mild, and very irregular.
THE MIDDLE
Sat. morning 9a.m. and back in the shower and bath.  Contractions irregular but strong.  Throughout the day she laboured, changing positions, drinking, encouragement from me and her partner.  There were many vaginal examinations throughout the day.  Sat. morning she was 2-3cms.  By mid afternoon she was 3cms.  Baby was posterior, wedged in a very awkward position and her cervix was swelling.  Syntocinon drip had been commenced to increase contractions and hopefully dilation.  We discussed options.  She was exhausted.  She was unable to have an epidural due to previous back surgery.  Gas was not effective.  She wanted a spinal anaesthetic and a caesarean.  The Registrar doctor stated that there was no indication for a caesarean section to be done as the baby’s heart rate was good.  This is indeed an extraordinary statement.  There is much evidence to suggest that the CTG monitor does not give the most accurate picture.  It certainly does not monitor how baby is feeling or how Mum is feeling.  Syntocinon is rugged!  Making the uterus contract artificially and causing pain.  She continued with the Gas and we negotiated a plan that if there is no progress in 2hrs then look at ‘other’ options.
This seemed cruel.  She was in so much pain due to baby’s position, swollen cervix and the syntocinon.  Her partner and I provided the best support in a difficult situation.  Anna was warrior-like, in the middle of the world’s longest marathon.  The exhaustion was awful.  Baby’s heart rate was good!
At about 8p.m. she was 5-6cms. And still the doctor wanted to continue.  We had more discussions and more negotiating and an hour later he decided that there was a valid reason for moving to the caesarean option due to slow progress!   Really??
Now I am usually in the position of negotiating the opposite on behalf of women.  All those cases where ‘someone’ in the medical profession wants to rush to the caesarean option, for reasons that have nothing to do with the health of a Mum and baby!
This was different.  It was distressing to see Anna’s level of exhaustion, and no baby, after 42hrs of bashing her head against a brick wall, is O.K.!
THE FINALE
She had a caesarean section after 44hrs of labour, with a spinal anaesthetic.  Her beautiful daughter was born – finally.  Her condition at birth was ‘stunned’.  With a deep ridge around her forehead, where she had been stuck, and large amount of congestion on the crown, she was certainly going to have a substantial headache.
This outcome was predictable many hours before it happened.  There was no benefit to anyone of ‘struggling’ on, no matter what.
Are hospitals now so paranoid about being sued that they have reversed their point of intervention?
In over 35 years of being in this business I have never had to negotiate (we were begging) for a caesarean.  Anna and her baby will need a lot of time to recover.  I am thrilled they have a happy, healthy baby.  Her strength, determination and belief was unwavering.  Birthing women never cease to amaze and inspire.

Inside Birth® Childbirth Educator Training – Sep’t  & Nov. in Blue Mountains, NSW

Do you want to be in the wonderful position of educating pregnant women on the power of birthing with grace and dignity, enjoying a pain free experience?

There is nothing more rewarding than this career!

The magic of Inside Birth® will show you how.

What you will learn?

• hypnosis:   the how, what, when and why
• birthing:  the Inside Birth® way
• effectively eliminate emotions of fear, anxiety and pain of birthing
• how to experience a wonderful spiritual connection with baby inside to outside
• reduce all stress
• experience peace and tranquility for pregnancy and birthing
• how to set up a business
• how to teach:  different learning styles
• understanding pregnancy, labour and birthing
• understanding ‘the system’

Be a part of changing the face of birthing and reducing the high medical intervention rates

This energy work will change your life and the women, partners and babies you are teaching.

SPECIAL DISCOUNTED OFFER FOR SEP’T. AND NOV. TRAINING ONLY:  $1500.00

Please contact Susan via website or 0419 606 171 for more info.

WHO CAN BE A DOULA?  –  Not just anyone!

This work is challenging and for very little monetary reward.  So what are the skills required:-

• A good listener
• Patience
• Having the skills to be an ‘effective’ advocate
• Learning to ‘mind’ read, or ‘read’ beahviour of the woman, her partner and staff
• Must have a great knowledge about birthing, the physical, emotional and spiritual components
• A doula must have an ability to self reflect, and accept and learn from any feedback
• She needs to especially be aware that this is NOT about her own births, or that of friends, but about the woman’s needs
• Emotional intelligence
• Excellent communication skills

These skills take many, many births to develop.  Learning to sit back, watch and listen, creating a safe haven for a birthing woman to trust absolutely in her birthing power.  It takes time to feel comfortable and O.K. with just ‘being’ at a birth, without feeling the need to ‘do something’, or to ‘fix it’, or ‘make it better’ – hospital staff do that all too well!  Most women want and need to feel your confidence and trust, and simply allow birth to unfold, in a protective bubble.

WHO IS NOT SUITED TO BEING A DOULA?

• Anyone who enjoys ‘rescuing’
• Anyone who finds it uncomfortable to watch and listen and just ‘be’ with woman
• Anyone who wants to fix it and make it better
• Anyone who has their own personal agenda, e.g. unresolved issues from their own birthing experiences
• Anyone who is not a skilled advocate and cannot negotiate in a politically correct way, keeping staff happy and making sure a woman has what she wants
• Anyone who has poor communication skills
• Anyone who thinks they can become a millionaire by doulaing!

A word about EMPOWERMENT  –  doulas can empower women with knowledge, encouragement, and being positive, but women need to take opportunities to ask questions to get what they want.  Doulas create these opportunities, by teaching women about the system, and most importantly about using the right language that care providers will respect.  A doula needs to understand the conflicting agendas within the system and employ sophisticated communication strategies that respect both the woman and caregivers.

This work, changes lives, and changes the face of birthing.  It is hugely rewarding and helps you grow as a person, learning from each birthing experience.  It cannot be done by just anybody.

I’m very proud of this testimonial from a Dad, which sums up, what a doula is all about – “she was present, without being a presence”  Nigel.

Induction of labour is undoubtedly the biggest ‘threat’ women face when their 40 wk. due date has arrived – sometimes even before! The stress of being aware of ‘the clock’ ticking, is enough to prevent labour from starting naturally.

There are very few valid medical reasons for an induction of labour. Main reasons include:

• Placenta has slowed, or not functioning at it’s optimum (very rare)
• High blood pressure (very rare)
• Bleeding (very rare

Reasons ‘suggested’ by many include:

• Baby too big! Whilst this can be a very scary concept for most women, it is most definitely not a reason for induction. Trust that you will grow a baby that is just the right size for you.
• Baby’s head not ‘fully’ engaged. Also not a reason to induce. Many do not engage until in labour.
• Membranes released early, with no other signs, i.e. contractions. A woman should be given at least 72hrs. with released membranes before anyone suggests induction, as long as baby is O.K. and Mum is happy to wait.
• Overdue! What does this mean? It is different for all women. Whilst 37-42wks. should be regarded as normal, there are many women who birth normally at 42wks.+, and have a beautiful healthy placenta.
• Many, Many ‘social’ reasons from star signs, partner’s work/sport committments, family reasons, just ‘over’ being pregnant, Obstetrician’s agenda (going on holidays, not working the weekend, very busy, etc. etc.) – none of these are valid reasons

How to negotiate with your caregiver:

• Accept that your caregiver is sometimes placed in a difficult situation as they are obliged to follow policy and procedure
• Stay positive and ‘in charge’ of your birth
• Compromising can be negotiated in a respectful way. e.g. Agreeing to a CTG and ultrasound on a regular basis can be an acceptable outcome for all.
• If the CTG/ultrasound shows baby to be healthy and happy, then a woman can be in a powerful position to advise that she is happy to wait until labour starts naturally, and offering to have these checks as often as hospital would like.

What you can do to encourage labour to start:

• Stay relaxed and calm
• Trust that labour will start when you and baby are ready
• Distract yourself with some enjoyable activities (movies, massage, walks etc.)
• Acupuncture
• Essential oil massage
• Hot spicy food
• Walking
• Holding and ‘clucking’ over a friend’s new baby, kitten, puppy etc.
• Stay positive and focused on the connection with your baby. Talk to baby about when would be a good time to meet on the outside.
• Do not be intimidated by scare tactics that are frequently used, often to support someone else’s agenda.
• Bottom line: if baby is O.K. and Mum O.K. then be patient and let nature takes it course

CONNECTING THROUGH TOUCH

Touch is the first sense we acquire and is our first language, so why we have so called ‘experts’ advising couples to put their new baby in it’s own bed, and practice ‘controlled crying’, is nothing short of barbaric!

Being able to communicate non-verbally is hardly new. Researches have long documented the complex emotions and desires that our posture, motions, and expressions reveal. But, until recently, the idea that people can impart and even interpret emotional content, via another non-verbal modality – touch – seemed questionable, even to researchers such as DePauw University psychologist Matthes Hertenstein, who has studied this.

In 2009, he demonstrated that we have an innate ability to decode emotions via touch alone. In a series of studies Hertenstein ahad volunteers attempt to communicate a list of emotions to a blindfolded stranger solely through touch. The results suggest that for all our caution about touching, we come equipped with an ability to send and receive emotional signals solely by doing so. Participants communicated 8 distinct emotions – anger, fear, disgust, love, gratitude, sympathy, happiness and sadness, with accuracy rates as high as 78%!

If touch is a language, it seems we instinctively know how to use it

LEARNING THE LANGUAGE OF TOUCH

We begin receiving tactile signals even before birth, as the vibration of our mother’s heartbeat is amplified by amniotic fluid.

“Its an essential channel of communication with caregivers for a child,” says San Diego State University School of Communication emeritus professor Peter andersen, author of Nonverbal Communication: Forms and Functions.

A mother’s touch enhances attachment between mother and child and it signifies security (‘you are safe, I am here). A mother’s touch also seems to mitigate pain in a child.

University of Miami School of Medicine’s Tiffany Field, director of the Touch Research Institute, has linked touch, in the form of massage, to many benefits, including better sleep, reduced irritability and increased sociability amoung infants.

TIPS FOR CONNECTING THROUGH TOUCH DURING PREGNANCY AND BIRTHING

• Both Mum and Dad stroke and massage your baby in utero, (i.e. your pregnant belly), whilst talking to your baby
• Only Mum and/or Dad’s hands to touch baby when born, i.e. ONLY your hands to receive baby at birth
• Bring baby onto your chest, talk, stroke, massage gently your new little baby, whilst talking to your baby
• DO NOT let anyone else hold or touch your baby in these first few hours, following birth (unless medically indicated)
• Enjoy skin to skin contact

BEYOND BIRTH – TIPS FOR CONNECTING THROUGH TOUCH

• Hold your baby close
• Stroke and touch your baby, whilst talking, singing
• Don’t ever leave your baby to cry. This is their only way of communicating and your job as a parent is to find the reason. The earlier you pick your baby up, the quicker the crying will stop. It is very often a guessing game, trying to discover the reasons for the crying, but most of the time your baby will stop crying, just because you have acknowledged his need.
• Don’t ever underestimate the power of touch! Lots of cuddles and kisses. You are not ‘spoiling’ your baby, you are teaching him you love him very much and that a cuddle solves many issues in life.
• As he gets older there are many games to play, which include touch.
• Most importantly – enjoy this closeness and you will find he will grow up to be a loving, caring adult.

BIRTH CLASSES, CHILDBIRTH PREPARATION CLASSES, ANTE-NATAL CLASSES, PRE-NATAL CLASSES, PARENTING CLASSES – there are just so many titles, which is so confusing for pregnant couples.

Are they important? Knowledge is Power! And this is not knowledge that can be gained online or from a book or DVD. If you want to be in control of your pregnancy, labour, birthing and baby, then DO NOT hand over your control to ‘some other person’.

How to choose? It is important to choose wisely and not be bullied into booking a hospital class. The advantage of finding a private childbirth educator is:

• smaller class sizes
• independent information
• mostly better qualified educators
• opportunity to have all your questions answered without the bias of a hospital person, who is following hospital policy

What questions to ask a childbirth educator, when enquiring:

• Where did you train as an educator?
• How long have you been teaching?
• Do you have a particular birth philosophy?
• Where, When, Costs?
• What will we learn?

What type of class?

There are so many different ‘types’ of childbirth education available, which makes it very difficult to choose. Hospital based classes inevitably focus on ‘pain management’, because they actually believe that birth is very painful, especially classes in private hospitals, where very high medical intervention rates prevail.

I invite you to take a look at our Inside Birth® pre-natal program. These deep hypnosis techniques is not only a wonderful life skill for all to learn, but will allow you to have a quiet, peaceful and enjoyable birthing experience, for you, baby and your partner.

You can start a class as early in your pregnancy as you feel you would like information, to alleviate fears and anxieties, but importantly to allow you to make valuable decisions throughout pregnancy and birthing, for you and your baby.

If you have a Birth Right doula, and book into a class, then take advantage of our dip in/dip out classes i.e. do as many classes as you would like, throughout your pregnancy.

You will leave our courses feeling confident and empowered, looking forward to the amazing journey that is birth.

For further info go to: or contact Susan 0419 606 171

http://www.birthright.com.au/classes.html

DOCTORS PLAYING GOD!

60 minutes last night featured this emotional story about a couple, who at 20 wks. pregnancy had an ultrasound, showing the baby’s heart to have an abnormality.

There are a number of extremely disturbing issues about this story.

• The sonographer sent the couple home with a letter of referral
• With absolutley no explanation prior to leaving, she chose to open the letter on the way home and as she explains, the words in the referral were deeply shocking “gross abnormality”, among others. Enough to cause any couple extreme anxiety.
• However, it was the doctor’s language, and attitude that were beyond belief. “No other choice but to terminate, baby not compatible with life, if baby did survive it would be an untold burden to the parents etc. etc.”

http://sixtyminutes.ninemsn.com.au/stories/8841856/a-mothers-love-the-living-tribute-to-a-mothers-determination

As we see from this story, they declined this ‘advice’ and now have a happy, healthy, gorgeous little boy.

DOCTORS PLAYING GOD is surely a very dangerous path to tread.

What rights do doctors have to tell anyone that they should terminate a pregnancy? This raises many other issues about giving people quite definite time frames for the remainder of their life, due to disease or illness. We have all met people who have been given eg. 6 mths. to live! Nobody can, and nobody should, (not even a doctor) claim to know this! This is perhaps for another blog!

There are so many ways to discuss this, with the couple, without giving very arrogant, god like advice, about what to do with their unborn baby.

Yes, their baby clearly had a major heart issue, but gently discussing all options, (and doctors can only do this from a medical point of view}, is surely their ethical and moral responsibility. Recognising that a couple in this situation need ‘other’ informaiton and support, that a doctor cannot provide, and making those appropriate referrals, e.g. at the very least they should have been referred to a Genetic counsellor.

VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE:

• Women are in charge of their bodies.
• Women are in charge of their pregnancy, labour and birthing.
• Women know and understand their unborn baby better than anyone
• Women have a unique connection with their unborn baby
• Women and their partners are the only ones who can make the best decision on behalf of their baby, provided they have good, sound and balanced information and support, on which to base their choices
• doctors should understand and respect that women know much more about their unborn baby and work with them – NOT tell them what to do.
• This couple have every right to be very angry and disappointed and very let-down by ‘the system’.

It was wonderful to see them enjoying their beautiful little boy and congratulations to them for being empowered enough to make the right decision for them and their baby.

Here we go again!

Read my lips! CHILDBIRTH IS NOT MEANT TO BE PAINFUL!

O.K. I know this sounds controversial and every woman who has experienced pain during birthing is shouting “that’s just not true”

Headlines such as this one in the SMH, April 21st, are disturbing, and only fuels the fear that already exists in the community. As the article goes on to discuss, it is about reducing the fears of pregnant women.

BUT – we need to do this very early on in pregnancy, ideally before conceiving (yes, some do plan a pregnancy)!

For those who have not read my ‘Birth Right’ book (Random House), then let me outline some simple tips of reducing fear about birthing.

• Trust that you, as a woman, are designed to give birth gently and easily
• Shop around for a caregiver
• Shop around for a place to birth
• Shop around for a prenatal class
• Shop around for a doula
• Trust that birth is a normal event that should be enjoyed

In the both the Birth Right and Doulas book you will find a list of questions you should be asking all of the above, and most importantly, what answers you should be getting.

A well trained doula can help you navigate ‘the system’ and make the best choices. Every decision you make is being made on behalf of your baby. This is indeed, a responsibility to be taken seriously.

Making the right choices will guarantee you give yourself the best opportunity to enjoy growing, birthing and parenting your baby.

Having a relaxed, calm Mum and Dad, who have a wonderful connection with their unborn baby will ensure a beautiful birth.

There is nothing more life changing than to support a couple through this amazing experience.

This can be the most empowering experience a woman can have.

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/diet-and-fitness/blogs/chew-on-this/why-is-childbirth-still-such-a-pain-20140417-36tbo.html

Delayed Cord Clamping! Precious minutes that could change your baby’s life!

Why on earth would anyone want to cut off a newborn’s oxygen supply, as soon as they are born? Well, the answer is that it can certainly speed up this part of birth! From a medical point of view what is most important, is a live, healthy baby. Delayed cord clamping can seem like an unnecessary ‘delay’ in a busy hospital Delivery Suite.

What is Delayed Cord Clamping?

• Waiting for the cord to stop pulsating (usually takes a few minutes)
• Or, leaving the cord attached until placenta is birthed
• Or, leaving cord, placenta and baby connected until it separates naturally (generally 2-4 days). This is a Lotus Birth

What are the benefits for baby?

• 33% more blood
• decreased risk of anaemai
• more oxygen carrying proteins (haemoglobin)
• more stem cells
• more oxygen to baby’s vital organs, at the most important time, i.e. when they use their lungs for the first time to breathe
• improved iron status for the next 3-6mths.

The Cochrane review, below, confirms with more than 15 trials and involving 4000 women and infant pairs, there is significant benefits to delayed cord clamping.

http://Early cord clamping versus delayed cord clamping or cord milking for preterm babies – See more at: http://summaries.cochrane.org/CD003248/early-cord-clamping-versus-delayed-cord-clamping-or-cord-milking-for-preterm-babies#sthash.3w26FW4q.dpuf

Top 4 tips for making sure you get what you want for your baby?

1. Have a doula who is skilled in negotiating

2. Have a well constructed birth plan

3. Make sure you’re caregiver understands and supports your wishes for delayed cord clamping

4. Only Mum & Dad to touch baby at birth! Bring baby up close to your face, touch and connect and wait.

http://www.smh.com.au/national/health/nsw-health-funding-cut-by-150-million-20131217-2zizr.html

So Tony Abbott is planning to cut the health budget by 150 million!!

Is this a good idea?

At first glance one thinks not! BUT maybe it is not such a bad move! There will be many experts who come out with statistics about endless waiting lists for surgery, unfair waiting times in A&E departments and no doubt many predictions about how this will increase the ‘sickness’ level in our community.

Whilst the government is, no doubt, only looking at this from an economic point of view (and we know it’s not possible for them to look at the bigger picture or venture ‘outside the square’), they may well be doing the community an unintended favour.

How? if the funding is cut and ‘services’ are reduced, then that may well encourage people to look at other means and ways of being healthy. It may push people gently towards taking responsibility for their own health. Increasing exercise, or even make a start on doing some exercise, looking at nutrition – what do you eat? and it also will increase business for many in the ‘alternative’ health areas. People may be forced to look at many other solutions, acupuncture, chiropractic, naturopathy, meditation…and the list goes on.

I will certainly be watching this space with interest. What are your thoughts?

Paid Parental Leave! There is soooo much discussion about Paid Parental Leave in this country. This is an interesting article about what happens in Sweden.

http://www.smh.com.au/national/paid-parental-leave-how-swedish-mums-and-dads-do-it-20140319-352gj.html

All discussions in the media seem to be missing the point totally. They are so focused on the economics of this plan.

This is the MOST IMPORTANT investment in our country’s future. I know it is difficult in politics today to think ‘long term’, but this discussion should never be about ‘the dollar’!

Most pregnancies are not planned, well certainly not precisely, and there are many decisions to be made in those early weeks of a pregnancy, and the parenting issue is often not the focus BUT parenting begins at conception! We know from many research studies the importance of connecting with your baby in utero, understanding his development in utero, nurturing his development and education in utero. Come and do our Inside Birth classes and you will learn all about this!

A couple who are pregnant have accepted the responsibility of parenting – from conception to the end of your life. Parenting does not stop when the children go to school or leave home, but very exciting changes happen in your parenting journey. I am the parent of 2 adult sons and 1 10yr old grandson. My mothering has not stopped, it has just changed. It is an exciting journey of learning and discovery and I feel so privileged to be a Mum/grandmum.

The Government and the country also has a responsibility to assist in the growing/ nurturing and education of a new generation. Even those who don’t have children, and have no intention of having in the future, must surely accept the importance of handing over to a well educated, emotionally and socially adept and healthy next generation. Those who have the capacity to think long term for our country – GET IT! and so it is very frustrating when so-called ‘experts’ are discussing this in the media, all of whom, are concerned about the cost of this program and are missing the point!

Why does Sweden GET IT and Australia doesn’t? Of course budgets have to be balanced in their commitment of financial support to disadvantaged etc. but I encourage everyone to get their head out of the sand and think outside the square. We all have a responsibility to grow and support the next generation and by supporting and honouring the important parenting role, especially in the first 6 mths. is a very good place to start.

Further reading: “windows to the womb” by Dr. David Chamberlain and Michel Odent’s work, the French Obstetrician who has been a research leader in the importance of growing, birthing and parenting continuum.

Love to hear your comments

Pregnant? – Public vs Private care. It is quite extraordinary that many young couples truly believe they NEED a private obstetrician and a private hospital to have a baby. In fact, one couple told me recently they thought it was the law and had no idea there were any other options!

Fear surrounding birth appears to be at an all time high. Fear of what? – fear of excruciating pain is the main anxiety, which is most definitely reinforced by the medical profession, the media, many books and television programs.

I met a young woman who is 10 wks. pregnant and seems very ‘flat’! even though she desperately wants to be pregnant. Her doctor told her ‘don’t get excited because statistically you will probably end up with a miscarriage!’ What a great way to begin a relationship between a Mum and her growing baby. She wanted to begin looking at options etc. but felt she needed to wait until she was at least 16 wks. – as ‘advised’ by her doctor. She rang her local private hospital, as he suggested, and booked in, just in case the pregnancy continued. They advised her to book in for an epidural talk given by an ‘experienced’ anaesthetist, who would reassure her about pain relief! Thankfully she did not feel comfortable doing this and we were able to have an early consultation – to share the joy of pregnancy, congratulations, discuss the difference between private vs public care and help her understand exactly all her options. Her comment: “I didn’t realise I should feel this empowered”! My job done!

What you get in the private system?

• limited options in negotiating care
• only choice of care is an obstetrician (doctor)
• no waterbirth available
• generally a large health fund gap to be paid
• no guarantee of chosen doctor at the birth
• very high medical intervention rates in private hospitals, e.g. some have 50-60% caesarean section rates! WHO (world health organisation) recommends our caesarean rate should be around 10%!
• won’t know the midwife looking after you in labour
• very challenging to negotiate a normal birth as many obstetricians have fixed views about how they want birth to unfold

What you get in the public system?

• public hospitals offer a range of midwifery led continuity models of care
• waterbirth available in many facitilites, especially those with a Birth Centre
• medicare covered
• if continuity of care model is chosen, then you will know your midwife for the birth
• medical intervention rates much lower, suggestive of supporting a normal birth
• many ‘extra’ services available, e.g. much more screening is done in a public hospital to identify any risk factors – emotional, social or chemical. On offer is a range of services from psychiatric, social work, drug & alcohol, stress management, nutrition advice etc. etc.
• Accommodation in both private and public is generally the same, i.e. single rooms with en-suite for birthing, single/twin share rooms post-natally. In the public system however, most offer and early discharge program, where you get to go home early and have the support of a midwife visiting.

I want women to know the truth about their choices and what, realistically they can expect.

REMEMBER: BIRTH IS A NORMAL EVENT – IT IS NOT A MEDICAL EVENT

To give your baby the best opportunity to enter the world, shop around for caregiver, place to birth, pregnancy classes and a doula. Do this well and your fears will be easily eliminated. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.

Contact me for information, support and knowledge so that you can make the right decisions for you and your baby.

“A woman with a voice is by definition a strong woman. But the search to find that voice can be remarkably difficult.” — Melinda Gates

I like this quote because it sums up the challenges that a pregnant woman faces in Australia today. I have devoted my career to showing women how to find their voice in the birthing world, and dedicated 2 books and a CD to this effort. Many people would think being pregnant as the ultimate feminine statement which comes with unlimited innate power. It should be but it is not!

HOSPITAL SYSTEM: most birth’s happen in a hospital. We have a a culture that has developed around fear and anxiety, which hospitals and many doctor’s have promoted. A doctor/hospital gets sued, they change their practises and invent another policy to cover themselves, in the event of this happening again in the future. This then promotes fear in the community, doctors/jhospitals focus on risk, and it becomes a vicious cycle. Our hospital system is very broken, with regards to birthing women. The ‘system’ is so huge, so confusing, with so many rules and regulations that everyone has lost sight of the fact – BIRTH IS A NORMAL EVENT! It is not a medical event and it is a very curious thing that the majority of women believe that a doctor (definition: a person who is qualified to treat people who are ill) is the appropriate person to support, guide, and give information/education to them during pregnancy, and that birthing in a hospital (definition: an institution providing medical and surgical treatment and nursing care for sick and injured people), is the most appropriate place to give birth.

THIS IS NOT THE FAULT OF WOMEN! It is the year 2014 and I have never observed so much fear around pregnancy and birthing, as there is today. Yes, ‘times’ have changed. Women have career’s to think about, they are older, they don’t necessarily have the same family support around that perhaps their grandmother had, but having a baby has not changed. It is still the same process, growing, birthing and mothering, as it has always been.

INSPIRING CHANGE! I want pregnant women to know and understand their rights and responsibilites. Pregnancy comes with responsibilities:-

• parenting begins at conception
  every choice you make during pregnancy affects your unborn baby
• the choices you make are important: where to birth, choosing a caregiver, a doula and a prenatal class will definitely affect how your baby grows and enters the world. It will affect his emotional, physical and spiritual well being.
• TRUST that birth is normal. TRUST that you have an innate birthing power. BELIEVE that you are designed to give birth beautifully and with joy.

On this Internation Women’s Day 2014 I hope that every pregnant woman embraces her birthing power and takes back control of her own birthing body and her baby.

Highly recommended: book an early consult with me to walk through your options and choices, and learn how to shop around so that you make the right choices for you and your baby.

“B is for Bedtime” – this delightful picture book was launched at the Blue Mountains Cultural Centre in Katoomba on Sat. We turned on a typical wintry day, thick fog, rain and a bit chilly! Just a perfect day for curling up in bed with your little one and reading this beautifully illustrated book.

I am always impressed by children’s books with amazing illustrations. Only a handful of people have these skills and I am not one of them! I still carry the emotional scars from school, and those art classes! The original drawings were on display for all to admire.

This is a great book for all pregnant women to get and read to your unborn baby. You will have great fun describing the drawings to your baby, and if you make a habit of reading at a regular time, i.e. bedtime, then you may be pleasantly surprised by how easily your newborn will settle, to the familiar story.

This book is available in all good bookshops and from our website shop (coming soon!)