WHY IS ATTACHMENT & BONDING SO IMPORTANT?

We are conscious, sentient beings from conception.

THE POWER OF EARLY IMPRINTING

In womb world we are learning about what we need to survive here.
Is it safe to ATTACH to people, wholly, to feel secure?
This is where we form beliefs about our parents, about life, other people, relationships.

Growing in a loving, safe womb with parents who connect with and parent you, creates calm, happy, confident and connected people.

Growing in an unsafe and stressful womb environment means your system has to develop this need to constantly protect yourself against the stress, or unsafe people or events.

Whatever our womb environment, this ‘training’ becomes an automatic way of life, an unconscious pattern. Stress and trauma in the womb, profoundly affects the way you relate to people and to life on the outside.

IMPORTANT: Early imprints can be healed and transformed.

Our modern culture lends itself, more and more, to children being raised with disconnection rather than connection. There is no longer the supportive and loving village who made sure children had a deep connection and respect for the natural world and other people and their basic emotional needs were met.

Babies require an ‘external’ world experience to connect and grow with others. They need loving, calm care, where there is immediate response to keep them engaged while they are growing brain connections at a fast pace.

If this early care is lacking or unavailable, babies learn a pattern of disconnection from the self, from others and the world. This is expressed in self-protective mindsets, withdrawl from social life (it is simply too painful), triggering the traumas experienced early on in life (womb).

We constantly seek to fill an emptiness we were never biologically imprinted to experience.

• The Hypno-Pregnancy program advocates for early attachment parenting; connecting consciously with your ‘aware’ baby throughout pregnancy and birth, building a secure attachment.
• An important advantage of early attachment parenting in the womb – it creates a shield between baby and life’s stresses
• It grows resilience in children. The earlier you begin conscious attachment parenting, the better for the whole family.

INVEST IN YOUR BABY’S WELL-BEING

• Hypno-Pregnancy will show you how to develop a true and trusted connection.
• Hypno-Pregnancy will show you how to manage any stress or trauma that may happen to you during pregnancy.
• This beautiful connection with your unborn baby can only lead to a stress free, enjoyable birth for you and baby.
• Hypno-Pregnancy is fun, fear-releasing, relaxing, hypnotic, and enlightening!

Book now for one-on-one sessions.  

https://birthright.com.au/product-category/hypno-pregnancy-program/

IT’S ALL IN THE MIND

All pregnant women have some fears about being pregnant, birthing and parenting.

And some fear is normal.

BUT we are seeing increasing FEAR in birthing women, fuelled by the media, television, books, magazine and just about anything available to pregnant women – embeds fear and more fear.

FEAR is a guarantee to impact negatively on the unborn baby, and certainly labour and birth.

WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES A DOULA MAKE?

Doulas represent the woman and her partner.  A doula does not represent the hospital.  Our doulas are offered unique training where the focus is on healing the mind and unwinding the tangled web of fear and anxiety built up over a long time.

This is a career opportunity. Imagine being able to influence/change the birth outcomes for women and their baby.  Imagine meeting a woman for the first time, full of fears, horror stories about birth, and working with her throughout pregnancy to reveal a strong and confident birthing woman with a true connection with her unborn baby, and supporting her empowering birth.

Communication and listening skills are key.

How a baby enters the world, and the emotional state of his mother, stays with that baby for the rest of his life.

DID YOU KNOW?   Having a doula reduces the need for medical intervention by at least 70%!!

WHAT ARE THE SPECIAL REQUIREMENTS TO BECOME A DOULA?

1. Passion – you must have a passion for this work.  You must understand the importance of reducing our very high medical intervention rates.
2. Willingness to learn, to have an open mind and accept challenges – especially in relation to your own beliefs about birth.

IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR INCREDIBLE JOB SATISFACTION THEN THIS CAREER IS FOR YOU.

https://birthright.com.au/product/total-birth-doula-training-modules-1-2/

CONSENT IN THE BIRTHING ROOM?

There are so many ‘consents’ a pregnant woman is required to give throughout her pregnancy and birthing.  When you become a parent – AT CONCEPTION – you will find giving consent changes, from just consenting for yourself to now considering the rights and needs of your unborn child.  This continues for many years to come, always asking yourself “is this in the best interests of my baby/child”.   “What are the risks?  What are the advantages? Are there any other options?  Should I seek a 2^nd or even 3^rd opinion?”  It poses huge challenges and sometimes conflict between a couple and their extended family.

ALWAYS remember YOU are the baby/child’s parents and only YOU can give consent.  We all make mistakes along the way and even regret some decisions made in the past BUT trust that ‘in the moment’ you made the right decision and gave consent for what you believed to be best for your baby/child.

PREGNANCY

I have been working with pregnant women for many years and I am still surprised by the inadequate system of required consent.  Indeed, if one even exists!  There is a lot of ‘assumed’ consent.

It is assumed by many, if not all caregivers, that tests (blood tests, ultrasounds, amniocentesis, harmony test, blood pressure, palpating the abdomen, vaginal examinations ………and the list goes on and on….) are ROUTINE or NORMAL or SAFEST FOR BABY.  It is taken for granted that all pregnant women have certain ‘ROUTINE’ tests and by the very nature of this habit – consent is a ‘given’.

WHEN PREGNANT, HAVE YOU BEEN ASKED FOR CONSENT TO?

• Take your blood pressure?

  

• Listen to your baby’s heart rate?
• Touch your baby (palpate your belly)?
• Do a blood test?
• Do a pap smear test?
• Lie down on the doctor/midwife bed?
• Be weighed?
• Strep B test?
• GTT (glucose tolerance test)?

HAVE YOU BEEN INSTRUCTED TO?

• Book hospital prenatal classes?
• Complete various forms asking deeply personal questions?
• Sign up to have a student present
• Book into Delivery suite (when you were hoping for Birth Centre)
• Book hospital physio classes
• See an Obstetrician

Has each test been explained, in detail?  Reasons why?  Advantages and disadvantages for you and your unborn baby?

Has anyone taken the time to sit quietly and discuss what YOU want for you and your baby?

Did you feel like your requests were being respected?

BECAUSE CONSENT MEANS YOU MUST FIRST OF ALL UNDERSTAND, FULLY, ALL THE IMPLICATIONS INVOLVED IN CONSENTING.  YOU ARE DOING THIS ON BEHALF OF YOUR UNBORN BABY.

THE TOUCHY SUBJECT OF VAGINAL EXAMINATIONS

I want to make it very clear that there is no valid medical reason for doing ‘routine’ vaginal examinations on a pregnant or a labouring woman.  Of course there are a few rare medical situations where this may be necessary.

There is a common belief that ‘routine’ vaginal examinations at each pregnancy check-up is the norm!  IT IS NOT!  If you are in a situation where this is ‘suggested’ ALWAYS ask “what is the purpose? what information would you get? And what are you going to do with that information at this point in my pregnancy?”

VAGINAL EXAMINATIONS DURING LABOUR

No ‘routine’ vaginal examinations should be done during labour.  They don’t convey any relevant information other than ‘state of cervix in the moment’!  Of course there are rare exceptions.

ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS, consent must be given (the woman understands what is being done and why), respect and privacy is essential and an explanation of what the outcome is.

DOULAS 

One of the most important roles a doula has is to make sure that all of the above happens for a woman with grace and dignity whilst working in harmony with all staff.  Sign up below and know you are guiding a woman at her most vulnerable time – to truly make informed consent.

https://birthright.com.au/training/birth-doula-training/

 

 

 

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BIRTHING IN SONG

THE ACTOR

I was supporting a birthing woman who had starred in many movies and TV shows.  She had initially trained as a classical singer, and whilst she had dabbled in singing, it had never been her career.  Acting was her chosen career.  During labour she had taken advantage of the bath, shower, movement, as many women do, and then she got into ‘the zone’, that wonderful transforming state.  Labour was intense and, suddenly and quite intuitively, she started to sing, scales – in perfect pitch.  There were major, minor, chromatic scales – up and down she went in perfect sync with her waves of birthing, this beautifully trained voice reverberating throughout the birthing unit.  Of course, consciously she was unaware – just focused on riding her waves in perfect harmony.

I could sense where she was in labour just by listening to the tone and vibration of the song emanating from deep within.  Her many years of classical singing training was not, of course, something she planned to use in labour, but it was all there in her subconscious mind and out it came, in all its glory during birthing.  Baby must have loved every minute.

Singing has been associated

with increased feelings of happiness by releasing endorphins and reduced feelings of worry and sadness.  Just listening to music can boost well-being and reduce stress and anxiety.

Dr. Veena Graff, an assistant professor of anaesthesiology at the University of Pennsylvania Perelman School of Medicine says evidence shows the benefits of passively listening to music during pregnancy and birthing, ‘which significantly reduces stress, pain and anxiety and can improve the overall satisfaction of the birthing experience’.  ‘Mechanistically, the act of singing helps with breathing and is a great distraction method, which in turn can relax a woman during labour and birthing.’

STRESS

Stress is the enemy of the birthing woman.  Stress causes pain, and if singing activates the parts of the nervous system that produces calm, it will reduce cortisol levels, produce relaxation, reduce heart rate, reduces blood flow and allows a birthing woman to calmly flow with the waves of labour.  It is also a distraction from other sensory input, which results in relaxation.

YOUR DOULA  will hold a a space full of calm energy so you feel free to sing your heart out.

It is amazing how many women truly think that birth is going to be excruciatingly painful.  It is a common belief, understandably due to current attitudes.

Conceiving, growing and birthing a baby is a normal event in a woman’s life.  The uterus (womb) is perfectly designed for this purpose and so it is not logical to expect pain.

WHERE DOES THIS PAIN ‘IDEA’ COME FROM?

Religion played a big part.  By the Middle Ages, the Church had weighed in and denied women help from other women, as atonement for their sins as seducers of men!  Women had been nurtured by other women, often their mothers, and their every need was attended to by those they were close to.  Herbs, aromatic oils were used to soothe, relax and create the gentle atmosphere into which the baby would be welcomed.  However, during the Middle Ages, the labour assistants, which we now know as midwives, homeopaths and aromatherapists, were burned at the stake as witches.  Then the surgeons decided to take over delivering babies and midwifery started to die out.  Women were brought into hospitals, put into beds so medical students could ‘learn’ the ‘craft’.  This is when huge numbers of women died, often within 48hrs of birthing.  They died from ‘childbed fever’ – caused by infection.  It wasn’t until the end of the 1800’s that doctors worked out that poor hygiene in hospitals was causing infection.  By now the idea of birth as gentle and joyous had completely gone.  Women were so frightened of dying in childbirth.

Grantly Dick-Read (1890-1959) was a pioneer doctor who came to realise, after learning from birthing women, that the ‘accepted’ methods of delivering babies, with the emphasis on intervention and anaesthetics was fundamentally wrong.  He is the author of the now famous book “Childbirth Without Fear”.  He recognised that fear and anxiety in labouring women produced tension which produced pain.

BIRTH IS SIMPLE

The simplicity of birth, if allowed to follow its natural path is a beautiful thing to behold.  It is wonderful for Mum and her baby.

THE MIND HOLDS THE KEY

Aristotle (who was clearly very wise) gave a clue, all those years ago when he said “the mind of a pregnant woman needs to be cared for”

AND that is exactly what you will learn in our training.  Inside Birth® Educator Training focuses on the mind – the most important organ in birthing.  Clear out the negative, bring in the positive.

What a woman focuses on during her pregnancy, impacts on how she will birth.  Focus on fears and that is exactly what will unfold – a fearful and painful birth.  Focus on the excitement and joy of bringing a new human into the world, with confidence and what will unfold is a beautiful, pain free birth, for her and baby.

As a doula you will learn the importance of developing rapport and trust with the birthing woman, believing she holds all the power within to enjoy her labour and welcoming her baby into the world.

Here is a link to our Combined Training – the perfect career path to provide true continuity of care to all pregnant women.  You can do each training separately AND design your own payment plan.

https://birthright.com.au/training/combined-training/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DEAR BABY ZOOMER,

Maybe you have just been conceived, or maybe you are somewhere along your 40 week journey of growing and developing in utero, or maybe you have entered the world during 2020.   No matter where you are  dear baby zoomer, I want you to know that this has been a different year, this 2020.

Your Mum and Dad have faced challenges that were unexpected and whilst this has nothing to do with you directly, I know you have been influenced indirectly, as you go about observing, listening, feeling and even absorbing some of the worries and concerns your Mum & Dad have about this thing called ‘Covid’.

Of course, your parents, like all new parents, are anxious about you in utero, about your health and happiness, but this ‘virus thingy’ has added much more stress to everyone, over the whole world. So I want you to know dear baby zoomer that this ‘virus thingy worry’ that is inevitably permeating your mind, body and soul, is not for you to get stressed about. It is very normal for grown-up’s to be anxious about world wide viruses BUT we don’t want you to worry. Because you see we are very lucky. We live in a very safe place and your Mum and Dad are going to make sure they give you so much love and security.

DEAR BABY ZOOMER,

I want you to know the world is an exciting and wonderful place. We are planning for you to come into the world, gently, quietly, and surrounded by love.
Dear baby zoomer – always believe and trust that something wonderful is about to happen when you enter the world and into our loving arms. We can’t wait to meet you.

 

 

And from now on I am going to focus on making beautiful music and singing happy songs and reading fun books to you because we don’t need to spend any more time stressing about the ‘virus thingy’.

I WAS NOT AWARE OF ANY OTHER CHOICES

“My G.P. confirmed I was pregnant.

He recommended two obstetricians, both male.

He did not discuss choice of caregiver at all.

I’d always heard of my local public teaching hospital, but thought, I’m in Private health so I may as well have the bonus of going to the Private hospital”

What did you think the bonuses were going to be?

“Better care, better attention, more attentive.  I did equate private hospitals with private schools, get more attention and more responsibility taken, more care to service provided.  In lots of systems that are privatised the care and attention is better.”

“I found that in a Private Hospital that was very different, I was wrong about it.  I also expected better facilities.  I think my obstetrician was thrilled that I was booked into the Private that he recommended over and above the public”.

“If I had another child I would do everything differently.  Every choice would be different”.  Why?  “Because each choice I made was completely uninformed and it had a different outcome to what I anticipated.  I just didn’t think it through.  I had no knowledge of that industry, so I didn’t realise that you would have much more chance of intervention if you went Private and had an obstetrician.  In fact, I didn’t even know what a Midwife was and yet I have a University degree, and would consider myself well educated. Because I initially thought I want to have a natural childbirth , that I don’t have to worry about all these things, these are just insurances if something does go wrong, so I trusted the system, I put my trust in the system, believing they would intervene only if medically necessary – and I was absolutely wrong.”

“I trusted a system that I should not have trusted and so my choices would be incredibly different next time around.  Doing something for the first time, you can fall through the cracks, because you don’t know, you are not wise about what that industry is really about.  Now I realise private hospitals are like businesses and they are just trying to get as much money as possible, and one way of doing that is through intervention.”

TRUST

“Our mother’s generation handed over the responsibility of their care and health to the medical profession.  I don’t think I got trapped that way, I think it was a general trust and lack of information that led me down that path.

I thought they respected their own roles within the Profession and to me an Obstetrician really steps in only if you have a problem.  How wrong I was.”

Where would you get good information from?  “without doubt I would employ a doula as soon as I found out I was pregnant.  They are an invaluable source of knowledge, information, understanding and have no other agenda other than making sure you understand your choices, so that you can have the birth you want.”

P.S.  Jane had an unnecessary caesarean section.  She was deeply traumatized and angry when we met, as so many women are.  I am pleased to report that following just 3 hypnotherapy sessions Jane’s grief and anger has resolved.  She and her baby have healed.  She is an intelligent woman, caring and much, much wiser, with the knowledge and capacity to make more informed choices for her next pregnancy.

She is also a beautiful Mum.

DO YOU REALLY NEED THAT ‘RECOMMENDED’ CAESAREAN?

There are only a few valid medical reasons for a woman needing a caesarean section.  AND THEY ARE RARE!

PROBLEM:   there is a lot of fear around birthing.  If a woman is fearful during pregnancy, anticipating a long, hard, painful labour and birth, then that is most likely, what she will experience.  And if a woman has fear then her attention is easily drawn to people who are very willing to validate her fears – there is nothing wrong with a caesarean, it’s O.K., don’t listen to the hippy ‘normal’ birth advocates.  G.P’s, Obstetricians, celebrities, are often the loudest supporters of elective caesarean, citing a woman’s right to choose!  When often the real reason behind the medically ‘recommended caesarean’ is convenience and money.

PROBLEM:   THE FEAR is not being addressed.  It is in the ‘too hard’ basket for most in the medical world, not to mention, time consuming.

PROBLEM:   When you live in a country where the caesarean section rate far exceeds what the WHO recommends for Australia, the higher the caesarean rate becomes, it is more acceptable as ‘the norm’.

https://www1.health.gov.au/internet/publications/publishing.nsf/Content/pacd-maternityservicesplan-toc~pacd-maternityservicesplan-chapter2

I am seeing increasing numbers of women who are traumatised by their caesarean, confused about the ‘reasons’ given, and angry about the lack of information given about the inevitable side effects to Mum and baby, including establishing breastfeeding and bonding.

QUESTIONING AND NEGOTIATING

We know the caesarean rate in private hospitals is much higher than public hospitals.  So if you are hoping for, dreaming about, planning for a beautiful normal birthing experience for you and your baby, and your ‘caregiver’ suggests a caesarean, you must, on behalf of your baby, research, question and negotiate.

1. Ask for medical evidence?
2. Where is the research?
3. What are some other options?
4. Why are you suggesting this?

AN AVERTED CAESAREAN!

Anna, attending a Birth Centre, was told baby was in breech position at 37 wks.  Anna was devastated when she was then advised her only option was a caesarean.  Luckily for Anna she had a doula who was able to organise a second opinion with an obstetrician who was experienced and confident in vaginal breech birth.  Anna transferred to a different hospital and went on to have a beautiful vaginal breech birth on a mat on the floor in a Delivery Suite.  She was elated, for her and her baby.

DOULAS WITH INSIDE KNOWLEDGE

Our Birth Right doulas have the inside knowledge and skills to help you negotiate and source other safe options.

https://birthright.com.au/doulas/find-a-birth-right-doula/

MIND TOOLS

No woman should ever go into labour holding on to fear – you have the power to change that!

Hypnotherapy can easily and effortlessly eliminate fears and anxieties and whilst many prenatal classes discuss fears, they can only be truly eliminated in hypnosis, with a skilled practitioner.

Do you want a calm, enjoyable birthing experience for you and your baby?

http://susanrosshypnotherapy.com/talk-to-me/

 

“I received your brilliant books on Saturday and promptly finished the ‘Doulas’ book that afternoon.  I didn’t want it to end.  I’m almost finished ‘Birth Right’ and I just wanted to say THANK YOU.

I knew I was holding on to negative feelings regarding my birth, but didn’t know just how many.  I have nodded along with your writing.  Sobbed too.”  Emily 

 ABIGAIL’S STORY

Abigail smoked 25 cigarettes a day and really wanted help to stop. There had been many previous attempts to quit, with little success.  Her GP referred her for Hypnotherapy.

Like many smokers before her, Abigail described smoking as a security blanket and a great friend.  She began smoking when she was 12.  Of course she knows all about the health risks and her main reason for wanting to quit is her 3yr old daughter.  She currently hides behind the garage, in the backyard, so her daughter does not see.  Abigail wants to be a better role model, as her own mother was an ‘absent’ mother.

Her memory is of Dad doing most of the parenting of her and two sisters.  She has no memory of her mother ever touching, cuddling any of them, and totally disinterested in their achievements.  Both sisters made a conscious decision NOT to have children, due to their awful memories of how they were mothered.  Both sisters have gone on to have quite major mental health issues.  Abigail describes becoming a mother as the best thing that has ever happened, even though it was not planned.

THE IMPORTANT QUESTION IN THERAPY

Do you know how you were born?

We all need to know how we were conceived, grown and how we were birthed as this relationship forms the first imprint, in utero, which sets the pattern of how we connect, time and time again.

When Abigail was pregnant, she asked her mother about labour and birth.  Her mother replied ‘it was nothing!  I just went into hospital and then you were born – all 3 of you were the same.  I don’t have any feelings about it.  It was a non-event’.

Powerful words!  What had happened to Abigail’s mother, for her to be so disinterested and disconnected to birthing her babies?

ABIGAIL’S MUM – HER STORY

It seems she had numerous miscarriages prior to having her first baby.  Was told by doctors she would not be able to carry a baby to full term.  THEN THIS:  she had a full-term, stillborn baby, following the numerous miscarriages. The overwhelming and unimaginable pain of growing a baby to full-term, and birthing that baby, only to discover they are not alive, has been too much for this mother to bear.  The RISK of connection to her 3 live babies, after those events, has been way too great, and as a result she became withdrawn, remote and totally disengaged.  It was safer – for her.  The subconscious thought of losing another child was so unbearable, she simply shut down.  It was about self-protection.  Love and connection was not possible on any level.  Abigail’s Dad simply stepped into the role.

THE POWER OF HYPNOSIS

People come for hypnotherapy with many differing presenting issues.  Many, if not all, are linked to how they have been parented, from the very beginning (IN UTERO).  It is often complex but through the power of accessing the subconscious mind (hypnosis) great healing occurs.

With a greater understanding of who and why ‘she is’ Abigail has been able to heal and stop smoking.

DON’T HOLD ON TO BIRTH TRAUMA

Imagine, if you can, the different scenario for 3 little girls if their mother had access to healing.  If only, someone, had recognised in her, the very deep birth trauma.

Unfortunately these stories are not uncommon.  It will impact your relationships and life.  Trust that you deserve to heal.

Appointments are available for Hypnotherapy – via Zoom or in person.

http://susanrosshypnotherapy.com/talk-to-me/

You will learn – to look and listen and to do this with your senses, having not judged anything in advance!  To do this with your heart, obeying your truest feelings, finally, do this with your soul, responding with vision and deep purpose through artful

 communication

A well written birth plan can be the difference between having the labour and birth experience you want or not.

WHY ARE THEY IMPORTANT?

Birth plans are important because they articulate your clear intentions of what you want for you and baby.  There are many decisions to be made that impact you and baby and the last thing you want is for someone to be asking questions during labour.

A woman must feel safe, in a quiet and undisturbed space, so she can relax and not have to think ‘consciously’ about what might happen. In fact, it is impossible for a birthing woman to make well-informed, clear decisions during labour. Another good reason to have a doula!

WHEN SHOULD YOU WRITE A BIRTH PLAN?

A good birth plan will be a work in progress throughout pregnancy.  From conception to birth is a 40 week journey of new learnings.  With each new piece of information that is aligned with your philosophy about birthing, creates another piece of your birthing puzzle.  By about 36 weeks pregnancy you will have clarity around what you would like for you and your baby and your puzzle will be close to completion.

DO NOT DOWNLOAD A BIRTH PLAN TEMPLATE!

There are many templates online designed for simply ticking boxes.  It is important the way a baby enters the world, and every birth IS different.  Think about how you want your birth to unfold and how you want baby to come into this world – ideally gently and quietly.

BIRTH PLANS SHOULD BE RESPECTED

Obstetricians and midwives often find birth plans frustrating.  Generic templates from a prenatal course or online, mostly do not have any understanding of the hospital system and how it works.  This inevitably is disrespectful to the facility and staff.  So if you want yours to be respected then take the time to use words that will be respected.

WORDS HAVE POWER

• Only use positive language
• DO NOT list what you DON’T WANT but rather what you DO WANT (a list of I DON’T WANT indicates unresolved fears)
• Consider special requests, e.g. religious, cultural and clearly articulate
• If you have an opening sentence “as long as it is safe for me and my baby this is what we would like” This is a powerful statement, which covers all the ‘what if’s’ because the bottom line is safety for Mum and baby.
• Consider the environment, e.g. quiet, undisturbed etc. Trust your doula will set up the room just as you want.
• Consider ‘no directed pushing’, the ideal is to breathe baby out gently and quietly in your own time. Good for baby, good for Mum.
• Consider the environment when baby is entering – no loud noises, soft music (maybe), no talking, no ‘other’ hands on baby only Mum and maybe Dad, no ‘other’ voices, only parents.

It takes a newborn a very long time to adapt to his strange new world.  We must all respect this.  Baby knows Mum from the inside and his meeting on the outside is very important as it sets the pattern for how he comes into contact again and again.  Make sure he is protected in the safe bubble of Mum, Dad & baby.

Your doula is the best person to guide you on constructing a birth plan that is unique.

WE HAVE TWO EARS AND ONE MOUTH, SO WE SHOULD LISTEN MORE THAN WE SAY

The following can be applied to any profession but as a mentor to doulas and educators, this is the most common issue raised in a mentoring session – the ability to LISTEN vs wanting to rescue, give advice, cure, give a personal view, and again rescue!  If you are a doula, educator, therapist or anyone else involved in the ‘helping’ arena, it is a natural default to want to help, often on the practitioner’s own terms, without realising what you are doing.

If you are thinking ‘this is not me, I am a good listener’, then think again because we are all guilty of wanting to give advice and rescue, at some point.

Ask yourself:

• How can I help my client to feel truly heard and understood?
• How can I get through this difficult discussion with my client without saying something insensitive?

And while I don’t have all the answers, here’s the biggest thing I’ve discovered about being a good listener:

BEING A GOOD LISTENER IS ABOUT WHAT YOU DO LESS OF, NOT MORE OF

If you want to be a better listener, identify and eliminate:

1. TRYING TO ‘WIN’ CONVERSATIONS – LEAVE YOUR EGO AT THE DOOR

Many people struggle to be good listeners because they approach conversations as competitions, with the unconscious goal of winning and feeling good about themselves.  This is never going to lead to effective listening.

Before going into any conversation where you’d like to be a good listener, ask yourself this simple question:

Is this conversation about being helpful and supportive or making myself feel good? 

Many people don’t listen with the intent to understand – they listen with the intent to reply

2. TO BE A BETTER LISTENER, FOCUS ON THE PROBLEM, NOT THE PERSON

Just because someone has a problem doesn’t mean they are a problem.

Much of the time, when someone “wants to talk” they don’t actually want someone to solve their problems. They just want to feel understood.

The best conversations are about connection, not information.

3.  DON’T BE JUDGEMENTAL

This is an easy trap to fall into: When the person sitting next to us is describing how sad, frustrated, anxious, or ashamed they feel, we naturally empathise.

Your job as a good listener is not to pass judgement on how rational someone’s fears or frustrations or any other feelings are;  your job is to validate these feelings.

4.  IF YOU ARE AWARE OF YOUR OWN FEELINGS, YOU WILL BE A GOOD LISTENER

Truly great listeners are selfless in conversation.  But the only way to resist the pull of your own emotions and stay focused on the other person is self-awareness.

Good listeners are compassionate with themselves just as much as they are with others.

REMEMBER:  WE HAVE TWO EARS AND ONE MOUTH,

                     SO WE SHOULD LISTEN MORE THAN WE SAY

https://birthright.com.au/training/doula-mentor-program/

HOW TO MAKE A CONFIDENT PREGNANT/BIRTHING WOMAN

NO EXCUSES! 

There are no excuses for how many pregnant women are mis-treated ‘by the system’.  I have observed, over many years, ‘normally’ confident, intelligent women being bullied and controlled by an ‘often regarded’ higher force – the medical professional.  And the very worst is, lots of women cave in and believe it is in their best interest to go along with ‘the higher force’, without question.

During pregnancy and of course, labour and birthing, a woman is not just considering herself, not just making decisions for herself, there are two people involved – her and her baby.  There are layers of emotions surrounding each decision.

OBSTETRIC VIOLENCE

This is a very strong, evocative and relatively new term but birth violence is not new.  Women over time have been subject to physical and also verbal abuse.  I have a very clear memory of this when studying midwifery in the early 1970’s.  Women were in shared birthing rooms, separated only by a screen.  These women wailed, and were loudly primal, all at different stages of labour.  I was instructed, as a student midwife, to shout at them to ‘shut up’, which is what the midwife in charge would do.  As a student I was always in trouble because the women I was caring for were always the loudest, no doubt because I just couldn’t bring myself to tell labouring women to ‘shut up’!  and women, still today, are subjected to rough handling, unconsented interventions, including episiotomy, forceps, ventouse and even caesarean section.  They are so often disrespected and disempowered.

This week is birth trauma awareness week.

https://www.birthtrauma.org.au/birth-trauma-awareness-week/

CHANGE MUST HAPPEN

HOW DO WE MAKE A CONFIDENT BIRTHING WOMAN?

1.  We must firstly empower her with good education – knowledge is power https://birthright.com.au/training/inside-birth-childbirth-educator-training/

2.  We must show her how to question and what answers she should be getting

3.  We must eliminate all fears (and all those horror birth stories she has been subjected to!)

4.  We must encourage and support her intuitive deep connection with her unborn baby  https://birthright.com.au/training/birth-post-natal-doula-training/

5.  We must empower her to TRUST her instincts

6.  We must show her the importance of parenting from conception

HYPNOTHERAPY

I see way too many women who have been traumatised by their birth experience.  They are often angry, very sad, confused about what happened and why.  Many suffer a disconnect from their baby/child.  Many relationships with partners also become fraught.  There is a very real fear of any future pregnancy/birth, some deciding never to have another baby, based on their previous experience and others desperately wanting to have a more positive experience.

You can and must heal from a traumatic birth experience – whatever definition you have for ‘traumatic’.

You will be amazed at the level of deep healing for you and your baby.  You will not only heal but have a renewed sense of your innate birthing power.  Every pregnant woman must be in control of her pregnant body, her unborn baby, and her birth.    http://susanrosshypnotherapy.com/how-to-heal-from-a-traumatic-birth-experience/